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Target Practice (How I Feel)
As I stand on the firing line in front of thousands of Cupids, I've come to the realization that I fall in love way too fast and as a result suffer the consequences 100 fold. I never used to have this problem mostly because I was so engulfed with School, Sports, and Training. I look back on how strong and confident I was in college, sure I'm still confident 2 years out, but I've definitely let my guard down just a couple of times and have paid severely for it. I often get to thinking and wonder what's wrong with me?! There must be a reason for what has just happened…is it my looks, my personality, my manners, my persistency? I think deep, and relentlessly ponder and I really cannot come to any justifiable conclusion. I think that you women out there just can't comprehend how a guy like me can say the things I say, and do the things I do to make you feel so good, because you're so used to what every other guy is like and don't allow yourselves to believe that I'm this unique and this different. I spend a lot of time people watching and see the kind of crap you women have to put up with. It'd be too easy for me to just pull whatever girl I wanted, mess around and move on, but I don't want that, I'm looking for the ONE! I'm not used to the giddy feeling of love, the nonstop tug an individual of the opposite sex can have on me. Now that I've experienced the rush and power it has over my thoughts, actions, and decisions, I'm lightweight scared for I've gone through these strong feelings in just the past 2 years. I've exposed so much of myself and dealt with all the harassment of friends clowning about how sprung I am. Its all in good fun but the fact is this…how often does a women come around who can make me feel this way, so weak, so stupid and so overjoyed that even a phone call or text is enough to make my day? I exposed much and in return got much taken away from me. 2 years, 2 girls, no names, and sure there's plenty more women that I can honestly say yeah I think she might be worth it, but now I must deal with love wounds, second guessing and a guarded heart. Don't blame me if I seem distant at times, I'm not used to being played with and led on by false hope and uncertainty. I've got a lot of healing to do, but still have so much love to give; I pray that God heals me quick fast so I can return to my humble lovable self before (she) slips away!
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Contributor's Note
Transferred from my Myspace blog...
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http://www.myspace.com/JayDotHolla5
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The copyright for this content entitled "Target Practice (How I Feel)" has been specified by the contributor as:
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The copyright for this content has been relinquished by the author. The content may be used freely by anyone.
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May, 2012
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